Grocery Shopping

I went grocery shopping today. I hate shopping at the best of times. My idea of a good shopping trip is sitting with my coffee and have a cigarette while browsing through eBay. I love eBay. Shopping in big store surrounded by families with screaming children or eBay. The scales just don't tilt the having to leave the house way. I get frustrated at having to hunt down every aisle for one freakin tapered candle. And the staff is no help. If they aren't hiding in the back they are grouping like sharks.

I remember going shopping as a young pregnant newly wed. I loved walking up and down the aisles pretending to make the right choices while not having the money to do so. I remember picking up a little extra something like a treat for the dogs, feeling like I had the extra to do so, coming home and being berated for four hours cause it could have bought something else that would have given him (The Ex!) an extra lunch. Yap, and I wonder why I hate shopping and my ex. Actually he not a bad guy. He is compassionate, tender and gentle. Unfortunately, it is also combined with a cowardice, avoidance, and single mindedness. If you met him, you would he is a really nice guy. Which he is. Just not with me. He'd be so freaked if he knew I said this on a blog. Right now, I'm really giggling to myself. This is some kind of therapy! I love it. I have just informed the entire world of a small confession and nobody really cares! But its out there! This is so cool!

I have digressed somewhat. I was standing in line waiting to pay for my items. Ahead of was a young mother who felt like I did. I must explain the crap in cart cause the only thing that might possibly have any amount of nutrition is the canned beans. I look to my cart which now is full of the organic. I was so happy the store had organic chicken. I mean, I was excited as my mother looks at the price in disgust. I'm looking at the items and comparing to even three years ago. I couldn't help but laugh. I was the woman ahead explaining the mac and cheese to lady behind who has nothing but soy and organic in the cart. My how time flies.

I now hold back some of the money for the farmer's market. Now, I have know idea how a farmers market in others cities are like but I'm pretty guessing they have the familiar ways. I have never met a group of more aggressive senior citizens. Even at Walmart they give way. Oh my God, if their not giving you that "I'm on pension look" to inspire guilt to buy their crocheted granny squares then their stomping on your foot to get into line. The ones with the carts are the ones to avoid. They can claim bad eye sight as they mow you down. Now I like senior citizens. They are a hoot. Just not at the farmer's market.

Shopping is like a tedious mundane task that must done every week. My hubby claims that at least I get to spend money. Oh yeah, trying to decided between the organic raisins which are twice the price for the regular raisins, is what I call fun.

Actually one of the things I will say here, I also appreciate the fact that I have the budget the decide if I want to spend the extra on organic. Years ago I was doing a household budget of $100 and $150 a month. That was for three people, four dogs, and three cats. That money also had to cover cleaning, bathroom, laundry and any extra like a prescriptions or gifts. I was making my own pasta because I could not afford the dollar to buy it but I could afford the thirty cents to make it. Why that extra fifty cents can buy you another tin of soup for another meal. Man did we struggle. Now I look back on it, I see it gave me the tools to be able to afford going organic. I plan meals, I shop on a weekly basis, I always double check pricing. Gee, why my grocery shopping isn't a fun chore. Hey Honey, I've got an intimate night of meal planning going on, care to join? Yeah somehow I don't think the hubby would jump right in there with even the sultriest voice I could conjure up.


My mother was looking at me like I had grown a second head when I told her about the organic sour cream and organic yogurt. She gave my cart a sweeping glance then gave me one of those "that's good Dear" looks. Hey its a good shopping trip if I can find a few more items organic. My husband thinks I'm going a little nutty because I describe going grocery shopping to him likes its a night at the opera. I will give him a detailed blow by blow of what happened and who I ran into. Never mind the job that with his company he can advanced to; that's hardly a discussion but the condition of cauliflower kept too long on the shelf, is some how pertinent to his life. For some reason who I ran into at the grocery store is important in his day to day functions. Why I can sit for two hours discussing why I choose the butter over the margarine and some how try to justify it.

My daughter once told me I seek approval for everything I do. From staying at home to the groceries I buy. Actually she was right when I stopped to think of it. So I stopped. I quit justifying why I do, and will do things when I turned 40. (That whole month and a half ago) It was all part of that baggage thing, I spent a year and a half discarding. I quit explaining. I started doing instead. If someone asks I sometimes say "because I wanted too." And it feels great saying it.

So now I shop and not care that the person behind me has no meat in their cart because they are vegetarian. I am the lady with the organic cart behind the young mother with eight boxes of Captain Crunch going through the till.

And oddly enough, it feels right.