Friday, April 27, 2012

I'm Still Here

Okay, I know its been a while but did they have to change everything about the blog so it's completely unrecognizable? I hate it when this happens.

I have a confessiion. I feel very guilty because I really love my job....and I just can't complain about it the same way others complain about work. I can however complain about the Theatre in that aspect. But I have done crappier work for more pay and had to deal with way more stress for less pay (and as of late, no pay). The work is easy and the people make it fun. Really, really fun and as hard as the daily routine has been to get into the groove of, I don't mind the night crawler hours.

These people come from all walks of life with their different stories. Some are more vocal as to their different chapters, others you know have just been through too much already without the spoken word and others who are hiding for what-ever reasons. I fall under the last category. These people are hard workers, and keeping up with them has been tough but the best part of it all, is each night I get to work in a safe environment with people who love to laugh.

I mainly work with women. Whouldda thunk it, considering I had such a problem with working with my gender I swore I would never do it again. The funny thing is, I once said I would never work for a female supervisor. Two of my favourite managers so far have been women, so I'm eating my words with marshmallows and chocolate. I'll wash it down with some humble pie and coffee for dessert.

The best thing of all is, the outside world had no clue as to what really goes on behind the corporate doors. I'm getting a clearer picture of the company I work for and its ideas. In the lunch room we sift out the propaganda, the politics and the reasons to the facts but we all agree there are worse places to work and we are all there by choice.

Speaking of choices, I've come to a conclusion about the Theatre. As much as I love it, and as much as I love being part of a production, I am taking a sabbatical from it. These people are impossible to work with and refuse to play by the rules set by the Executive. I feel like I have been ineffective and hindering at times because I have not known how to deal with situations. And mentally its too hard on my brain. They need somebody in there with, who doesn't know the parties involved and has an "I don't give a crap" attitude. I'm finishing out my term with the bare minimum of obligations. I don't owe them a thing after everything I have had to deal with.

Hubby asked me if I was stepping back to spend more time with the Beagles (as we have four now) (I'll explain in a bit about that one) or if I was looking at Management at work. The only way I would ever go management is if I could stay on nights only but they don't believe in that. They like to switch it up and I do not do days. My answer was more time with the Beagles. Also to return to writing and to my art work, both of which has taken a step back to the Theatre. I'm not liking that. So I've done some hard thinking and decided that its time to take back whats important to me. Stress and unwanted BS is not what I want. So I'll go where the fun is...And thats at home ....and work.

As I mentioned earlier we have four Beagles. The fourth came via a friend of mine who asked me to help out a friend of hers. When I told her we had a fourth Beagle her response was "I didn't mean for you to take the dog," but it was a case of he needed us, more than we needed him and he fits in perfectly. He is definitely Hubby's dog. Ballou just adores Hubby and the feeling is definitely mutual.

Ballou (pics will come once I figure out my freaking camera) is a larger version of GiGi and much sweeter. He is very playful and came into the house with a wagging tail. He like GiGi has been a very easy switch from households. Thank God becaue Dudley has been more than enough work dealing with his issues.

The cats not too happy with us but she is pretty forgiving once enough time has past.

Hopefully the choices being made as of late are going to lead to a less stressfull life. I really miss the fish pond right now

Monday, February 06, 2012

Aaaand We're Back

Okay so we are a little late with the New Year's thing. My bad. Well, to be fair there has been a lot going on lately. And it doesn't seem to be slowing down. Right now I'm in mania so I can keep up...almost, except for the broken toes, they might slow me down a wee bit. Yeah...I tripped and felt three go snap.

It wouldn't be so bad, but I have to wear steel toe boots tonight and that is going to hurt like a son of a get the picture. I have a job stocking shelves at night for a local retail outlet. Its my escape from the rest of the world and so far (after a week) I like it. Limited exposure to people, no phone calls, no theatre and I work with people in team but on my own. I like the fact that unless there is an emergency, nobody can get to me. If I can avoid the drama and the politics (because the theatre fills that gap in spades)then I will be fine. At least this back pat of a job well done comes with a pay cheque.

The change in routine has been a little hard on the dogs. Buster had a seizure the third night into my first shift. But he seems to be doing fine now. GiGi is a little more cuddly with me and Dudley has adjusted fine. Its helping him bond with Hubby who just adores Dudley. For a man who wasn't keen on Beagles, as one breeder put it to me "he has looked into the eyes of a Beagle and it touched his soul." The comment made me wonder what kind of a breed these dogs were. With three underfoot, I have since found out.

Hubby and I are still working things out. Much of the root was financial. Hubby had been trying to carry the burden and he was frustrated. But the problem with a root is it has stems that grow and sometimes produce off spring. The root of one problem has been taken care of but it leaves all the off spring to take care of and that is where we are at an impass. There is still a lot of hurt, anger and resentment which makes the trust factor non-existent. After years of erode and decay, its hard to pick a point at where to start the repairs or if we want to. I'm all for a rebuild. Tear it all down and start with the foundations and work up from there.

The hardest thing of all has been dealing with this alone. Trying to put in force the tools that I learned through therapy and applying them to the problems hasn't been easy. It doesn't seem to matter which area in my life, I'm alone. In some areas its the trust factor, in others its the logistics and in others its because everyone else is dealing with their own crap, they really don't need to hear mine. I sometimes miss therapy because it gave me somewhere to go and unload. And there are nights where the journal just doesn't cut it. On the other hand this is what independance is all about.

Now to completely digress. I just need to get this off my chest. Have you ever listened to grocery store talk? I mean the different conversations that go on. I realised after ten years of listening to people I have learned a lot about Albertans. As an outsider I can honestly say they are unique. Any Albertan will tell you they are not particularly prejudice against any one race. Which in essence I agree, its not one race, its all races; all religions; all countries and customs. You pick a country, I'll give you an Albertan response. If you think about it, its much fairer than just one as its aimed at all. And fairly equally might I add. And I will include this also extends to within our own country and the people in the different provinces. Those comments are not repeatable. I really don't want to be sued.

Now the funniest of this is they aren't too fond of Americans. Their okay in small doses but any more than five and you're at a GOP rally. (Actually overheard in the line ahead of me) The irony is, Alberta was built on American families coming from the south to settle and farm Alberta. You can't trust the Germans or the Japanese, the Philippians talk funny and too fast, the Chinese are talking over the world, the Catholics are too liberal and the Babists are too radical. I am amazed that anybody in Alberta gets along outside their own borders. I could go into the comments about the countries they have visited for example, Cuba was too tropical and Hawaii too hot. But it would only serve to show the average IQ of an Albertan is 12.

My great uncle once remarked that "the family looks like the god-damn united nations." showing me a family reunion picture. (I was 13) Marriage into the family brought, a Mexican, Aboriginal, American and I am a little unclear as to where the fourth member was from to make the family look like the United Nations but to me it looked like a normal family. I will not go into the dinner time conversation as family pictures was bad enough. My great uncle was an eye opener for me as a child.

My Grandmother once told me that Prairie Folk were different in their attitudes. She knew alright, she was English and married to the afore mentioned uncle's brother... And that is another story altogether.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Chapter Closing

Winter has hit with avengence. Two weeks ago we were at plus five...Now its somewhere below zero...again. So I'm trying to be positive about it. The only problem is the extreme weather (that they were late by two days in telling the rest of the freakin' world about) I'm hoping it will help with building the Christmas Spirit which is zilch, none and not there. Even the idea of setting up a tree is nauseating at the moment. Suffice to say there won't be a whole lot of baking this year.

I'm looking for a job. I want a full time permanent position. I have three that I would love to get and have applied. But I really don't want to walk in this weather. I will but I'll be bitching the entire way there and back. Its funny everybody I have said to that I am looking for work give me the, "shouldn't you start off with part time". Let's see, I've been putting in about twenty to thirty hours at the theatre a week. I've already got things rolling in the right direction and now I think I have the confidence to work. I just didn't want to fail at another job, so I put myself to the test as President of the theatre. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it and continue to do it. So now I think I would like a job that pays a little more than than just satisfaction.

My dogs won't go out. GiGi is prancing on two legs three feet from the door. Buster is acting like we are punishing him with the snow and Dudley...well he has decided if the other two aren't, then he's not. The cat hisses at me when I open the door and she sees snow. Like I'm the one that put all that white stuff out there. The Chihuahuas are the only two dogs gaily going outside still. And they have no tolerance for the cold being a Mexican breed.

I'm getting a job partly to pay the debt off but I'm also working so that I can have a few things like teeth and sight. I would like to buy new shoes, clothes and make up. I have four eyeliners, sparkles (left over from my role in Wizard of Oz) and a mascara. GiGi ate my lipsticks.

Here's the other thing. I think I'm ready to give it a whirl and prove to myself that I can do this. I've got my tools in place and I've got a healthier mind. Albeit it doesn't think the same way it used. It can't, too much damage from too many curve balls and too much reacting to the curve balls. Now I let the curve ball hit, absorb the impact and decide which reaction is appropriate. It can take a week but when I do react, I have found people listen because I have taken the time to reason out the facts.

I have applied the same tactic to my marriage. Its been no secret that Hubby and I have hit a rocky patch. Things the past two years since his brother's death haven't been easy. Things came to a head and the tire burst. I have not worn my rings since. I have done so much writing in my journal this past while sorting everything out that my journal cringes now when I approach it. How I view it, this is the end of a chapter in a story of life. How we begin the next chapter, whether walking side by side or alone is up to Hubby. This isn't a sad thing. I love that man with all my heart, and want to see things through, but I can't continue in a marriage with only one of us trying to fix it. I have hope but in the mean time, I'm preparing for the worst.

I'm also looking forward to the new chapter no matter what it be. Life can't remain the same or you get stagnant. I watched that happen at the theatre, I'm stagnant creatively at the moment. It happens and that's when I switch things up. Mind you, the shake up now, wasn't quite what I expected but then I've learned to roll with things a little better...once I've put my thoughts into my journal for a week straight. I hate writer's cramp.

I'll have to change the title of my blog...Hmmmm...I think I'll have a coffee and ponder the new name.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Legacy of Longblades

I'm very proud of this little story. Artist and I one afternoon a couple of years ago were having a discussion by the fishpond. I had made the comment, that in a historical novel you can't make a pirate ship disappear. She argued you could and then gave me a challenge. Write a story set in the past in the same manner I would writing a Sci-fi and she included a pirate ship disappearing and reappearing else where. I had so much fun writing this story and I think I met the challenge.

Here's the blurb:

"When she arrived on the docks she carried only a sack and a mysterious old map that she suspected was connected to her grandfather. Cynthia Dell was on the hunt for the notorious Captain, known as the "Fury of the Seven Seas", a man who lived on the edge of piracy.

With the idea of treasure in her head, Cynthia propositioned the infamous Captain and crew of the Cimmerian Lady to help her seek what lay at the end of the route. On the tumultuous voyage of unlocking the secrets to the map, the Captain Feirgh took it upon himself to unlock the secret treasures of Cynthia’s passion."

It's rated Spicy.

It's out of my typical genre but it was fun to divert for a bit. Now I'm right back into the future for a while. I'm really hoping to get the next one finished for a bit but my next entry will explain why I haven't been on the blog for a bit.

Okay...that and camping...and the theatre...and the beagles.