Surviving your Best Friend's Divorce Survival Guide

Chapter One

The Announcement & Aftermath

So you're sitting and having coffee. You're best friend's marriage hasn't been any great shakes lately but what's new? It wasn't when you met her. For ten years you've sat with her before mulling over his idiosyncrasies and inexplicable male thinking, (note Artist I am being diplomatic here) (the other comes later) You have listened for all these years while she has been hurt, angered, frustrated and dismissed, let her have a good cry, rant or once in a while rage. Then when the emotions have settled and the male party has redeemed himself in a measure, you have reminded her of the good in him. Then more coffee flows and everything is right with the world. Wrong, this coffee session resulted in the end of the marriage, right down to the phone call from the husband admitting it was over.

For ten years, I have sat back, observed, watched and said the things that she needed at the time. Some of what I said I truly meant, other times I held my tongue on my true feeling towards her husband and told her what she needed to hear. Enabling a bad marriage? Not the way I see it. I am her best friend and as her best friend, staying out of her marriage was the best thing for our friendship. But after the phone call, a switch went off and for the first time in ten years, I couldn't defend his actions or even rationalize to logical thinking. And for the first time in ten years, I felt no obligation to do so. It was very liberating.

So it begins, the separation, the anxieties, the euphoria and then the anger hits. (Still is but that is to be expected with all things considered) Then the true beast that you have seen comes out. He reveals his controlling, overbearing, domineering, bullying personality, just like you have seen it all those years ago but chose to ignore it. That's the trick, ignore it and some times it goes away and then sometimes it doesn't.

Now depending on your best friend this stage (the anger and resentment) can continue for years turning into a regular "War of the Roses" (if anybody remembers that movie) I'm lucky, I have a best friend who is Post Traumatic Stress who cannot and will not put up with it. So I only had a week of the stage. I do realise there will be other stages of anger and resentment but with Artist it won't last for long (Thank God!!!) Other long term stages could be the heartbreak or mourning period. And one must bear in mind the marriage.

So my best friend was in a unhealthy marriage for her mentally and physically to a selfish bastard for 19 years. Now to my observation, the marriage has been dead for at least two if not three years. So she has already run the gauntlet of stages leading up to embracing her singledom as a healthy, vibrant, confident woman in her forties. Your best friend may be different.

Next Week

Chapter Two

What to do when your Best Friend begins to date.