And Change still comes

Things have been very quiet around the house. Our Beagle crossed over on Saturday and the house has become seemingly empty. Even with the other four milling around. The Airedale has stopped looking for him finally but he still gives a soft whine now and then. Its different now without the nagging and the frantic "its suppertime" hour. Life seems almost dull.

I say almost dull because things around here are never dull for long. And if I even contemplate looking forward to a quiet time it still get turned upside down.

But then that's how it is in my life. I have been diagnosed Bipolar. Apparently some of the things I have had to struggle with isn't the norm. Who knew? Not me anyway but in someways it has given me relief, its angered me and its frightened me. Hubby had a bit of a time with accepting it. He finally settled down when he realized I was basically okay with it. I have learned since that some things are life and some things are Bipolar. My inability to cope in some public situations is Bipolar. My inability to deal with the stupidity is life. Then there is the marriage aspect. Hubby's breathing at the wrong time is Bipolar, Hubby's never getting the last six inches done is well...life and marriage. So you can see for someone's brain who continually misfires it can all be very confusing at times. But the cool thing is, I have found out my brain has thirty percent more brain cells which may explain the higher voltage at which things download and misfires. In my world, I'm always right 'cause I have a bigger brain.

Hubby didn't buy it either. Personally I think Artist's reaction was the best. Daughter's came second with a very quiet "and how do you feel about this?" (Guess who's in therapy too.) Artist simply but cheerfully said "Of course you are, all my best friends are Bipolar" What do you say to that? My mother's response was "You know it's a mental illness?" like I have mental leprosy and a conversation a while later included "You don't need to announce it."

Okay, does anybody think putting it out on the web would be particularily persay announcing it? Personally it doesn't make me any different, it just gives me an explanation and now I can put into place the tools, the checks and balances so to speak for that softer, quieter life. The other thing that was good to find out, is that Hubby and I were and are on the right path for us to deal with the Bipolar aspect of our lives. I say "our" because he has to deal with this on a day to day level and trust me, he never knows what he is coming home to some days. Or waking up to for that matter. Some days are like a roller coaster of hellish emotions and other days its just a bunch of muck and mire. The thing is, what my Mom doesn't get, is, this has given me freedom to be me and live my life according to what is best for me. Not what others see as best for me as she thinks fit.

Its been a very murky mud puddle with a lot staining. One I'm definitely glad to be out of. All though Hubby and I seem to find our own mud puddles to fall into but with him its fun. Life is an adventure, life is change and I plan on enjoying all it, even the bipolar.

(And I will be posting more artwork in the next day or two)