Hubby is sleeping in and I find I have a few moments this morning to myself. The phone didn't ring demanding my attention nor did the dogs nag at me pushing me out of bed. The sun is shining promising to rid us of the white blanket outside and even the sounds of birds are reaching my ears. As I stare at the keyboard the Beagle is snoring quietly beside me in his basket. This is the type of morning that I live for.
And yet for some reason the creative juices that usually flow on these type on mornings is just not flowing. I feel more reflective. Lately I have been anticipating Spring's arrival more than any other year. Hubby and I have the back yard planned out but I just want to get my hands in dirt. Its like I need to feel that connection with the ground again. Playing in my little potted plants of herbs really isn't cutting it.
Monday, I walked down to Artist's. Her trees among the oldest if not the oldest in our town, was covered with birds. Normally they would fly in away as someone approaches. These birds didn't. I looked up and said "Hi Kyle." (Birds are sometimes the messengers for our loved ones on the other side.) The birds chatter became louder as I entered Artist's house. Kyle was around to listen to our conversations. He used to join us very quietly and sit and listen in on Artist and I as we coffee'd. Its something small but I miss it. Kyle's questions had the ability to make you stop and think. It was even more fun to make him blush or laugh.
We stayed the night at friends this weekend who lost their son two and half years ago. Their son was shot and killed. I knew this boy from the time he was three and may I say in his short life he did more experiencing than anyone I knew. He was a cool kid. I miss him too. Mitchell had a way of making you laugh with a mere grin.
My friend commented that we have all changed. Her family and my family. My answer was how could we we not change. Personally I have witnessed two very precious people in my life walk through a mother's nightmare that I can not even begin to fathom. I would have been a very shallow person and a selfish one not to. And personally I felt I did not have a right to continue to hold on to the baggage of the past as an excuse or for whatever reason's I held on to it. In the scheme of life, that crap was trivial. All of it.
It must be the time of year. In some religions Spring is the time of year where the energies spark growth and rebirth. It is also the time of year we let go of things, to make room for the new I guess as with Spring cleaning. Spring is the time of change and new thoughts. I'll just be happy when I can put my fingers into the earth and feel the dirt beneath my fingers. Its an odd thing for someone like me who really is more of a brown thumb than green. But I am working on it.
And speaking of rebirth, I planted apple seeds. I was grating an organic apple for the Beagle's food when the seeds fell from the apple core. My thought was if it was an organic apple the seeds would grow, so I planted them. I have two apple tress that sprouted. Its so cool to look down in my pot of dirt to see these little trees grow. If they don't make it, I'll just plant more and fumble my way through the learning process but if they do, I'll plant them in our backyard. I'm finding a new joy in my life, and hopefully it will lead to a garden with fruit trees.
If not, there is always the farmer's market and we will have a lovely new cement patio.
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