How to Survive your Best Friend's Divorce

Chapter Two

What to do when your Best Friend begins to date

Get Drunk. Very very drunk. Stay that way until its over. Do not under any circumstances remain sober during this period. You will thank me later for it.

Surviving your Best Friend's Divorce Survival Guide

Chapter One

The Announcement & Aftermath

So you're sitting and having coffee. You're best friend's marriage hasn't been any great shakes lately but what's new? It wasn't when you met her. For ten years you've sat with her before mulling over his idiosyncrasies and inexplicable male thinking, (note Artist I am being diplomatic here) (the other comes later) You have listened for all these years while she has been hurt, angered, frustrated and dismissed, let her have a good cry, rant or once in a while rage. Then when the emotions have settled and the male party has redeemed himself in a measure, you have reminded her of the good in him. Then more coffee flows and everything is right with the world. Wrong, this coffee session resulted in the end of the marriage, right down to the phone call from the husband admitting it was over.

For ten years, I have sat back, observed, watched and said the things that she needed at the time. Some of what I said I truly meant, other times I held my tongue on my true feeling towards her husband and told her what she needed to hear. Enabling a bad marriage? Not the way I see it. I am her best friend and as her best friend, staying out of her marriage was the best thing for our friendship. But after the phone call, a switch went off and for the first time in ten years, I couldn't defend his actions or even rationalize to logical thinking. And for the first time in ten years, I felt no obligation to do so. It was very liberating.

So it begins, the separation, the anxieties, the euphoria and then the anger hits. (Still is but that is to be expected with all things considered) Then the true beast that you have seen comes out. He reveals his controlling, overbearing, domineering, bullying personality, just like you have seen it all those years ago but chose to ignore it. That's the trick, ignore it and some times it goes away and then sometimes it doesn't.

Now depending on your best friend this stage (the anger and resentment) can continue for years turning into a regular "War of the Roses" (if anybody remembers that movie) I'm lucky, I have a best friend who is Post Traumatic Stress who cannot and will not put up with it. So I only had a week of the stage. I do realise there will be other stages of anger and resentment but with Artist it won't last for long (Thank God!!!) Other long term stages could be the heartbreak or mourning period. And one must bear in mind the marriage.

So my best friend was in a unhealthy marriage for her mentally and physically to a selfish bastard for 19 years. Now to my observation, the marriage has been dead for at least two if not three years. So she has already run the gauntlet of stages leading up to embracing her singledom as a healthy, vibrant, confident woman in her forties. Your best friend may be different.

Next Week

Chapter Two

What to do when your Best Friend begins to date.

Just a note

The sun is out finally, and it’s promising to be a nice day. Mind you there have been other mornings that have started out the same and resulted in cold wind, so I won’t hold my breath.

Things have changed yet again with the garden. But this time I can honestly say it’s actually a step in the proper direction. Last fall Hubby and I separated a section of our yard for the garden. The idea was it would keep dogs out. It’s a good idea if all sides of the garden is fenced and not just three, with a greenhouse at the end and four feet of unfenced entrance way just perfect for our little Corgie X to find his way in to the cool dirt. (He was once white)

This year Privacy was the big thing to achieve by the fishpond. Our neighbours have kids and the littlest is very precocious and gets annoying with her attention getting. I am not a fan of kids. As a matter of fact, I really don’t like kids on the whole. Small exposures to kids are okay but anything longer and heavy drugs are a must. So needless to say, I put a canvas screen up and tried put an artistic flare on it. (The pictures will reveal the truth)

The other cool thing is, the house is being put in our name. It’s been our house, sort of, but it was put in my parent’s name to protect it. So now the house is being transferred. I can’t really go into a whole lot of detail here because the whole thing has been a bipolar blur. And if I ever have to go through this again, I will definitely need somebody along with me who can wrap their minds around it. I tried, and tried but it resulted in me shaking and thrown into a total mode. So I have warned my daughter that if anything happens to her Dad that I might need help with things of that nature. She said not a problem; she will make sure she marries somebody who will be able to help us both out.

Now that the house is going to be in our name, look out Solar Hell, because here we come. Last night Hubby was thinking of attaching copper tubing to my stove to harness in the residual left over heat from turning the oven off. Never mind the fact that the stove is sacrilege to touch or even think of touching unless its coffee. Now come up with a coffee machine with the copper tubing and sunlight, then you will have my attention.

My yard is going to end up a graveyard as an Ode to the Sun God Ra or something by the time that man is done. It will look like Ed Bagely Jr’s yard only on a poor man’s salary. Man the letter I could write to his wife. After watching the show twice (I can’t get the channel anymore, which really sucks) I really don’t feel so alone.

It’s going to be an interesting summer around here.