Babble and one small brag

I wish I could say that I'm getting into the full swing of Christmas. There are two trees up in the house, snowman ornaments adorning corners and walls, a village filling the living room alcove on two tiers and even a few gifts wrapped under the tree. There is a big pink stocking with gold letters spelling "Princess" with the hand knit stockings for the boys waiting for dog cookies and toys sitting in the glass cabinet. It looks Christmassy but its just not feeling that way. The sad thing is the only spark of the Season's spirit was when it dived to twenty below and we had wind chill warnings. Yep that's when I wanted to go shopping. There is something about a cold snowy wind battering you about that says "Christmas" to me. It's just not the same when the weather isn't turning your face red and filling your nose. I blame it on the fact that at heart, I am a child of the north.

On the other hand, being locked int the house with four male dogs and a princess in heat isn't helping the matter either. I figure the pictures in my previous post was most likely the day she started. Yeah...I'm praying to every God and Goddess imaginable she will be done by say...Christmas. When somebody asks me what I want for Christmas, I say a gift certificate to the vets. Then I get a blank stare and a "No, really?" and I say, "Yes, really." I'm not sure Hubby's idea of Bondage included a Beagle at the end of the leash.

We have an un-neutered twelve year old Corgie/Sheltie cross. We didn't neuter him because of his age (Yes stupid us.) Now Patches is fenced and never leaves the property without a leash or human (Oddly enough if the fence is accidently wide open he is hiding, too many years of roaming I think) The idea of Ceagles running around the house scares me. So Good Girl is on a leash in between Mommy and Daddy all night. Of course Hubby feels for Patches while I am in sympathy with Gigi. And no, the idea of putting Patches in a separate room is out of the question, even though I have asked it several nights in a row. It wouldn't be fair to the dog according to Hubby.

Yes, life around this house has been fun. That aside, I have to brag about my daughter who was exempt from two exams. One of them being mathematics. Now those smarts definitely come from my side of the family. I can't claim the sweetness (that would be lying) but I sure as hell will on the brains (and the looks too).

Hubby asked me to make out a Christmas list. I sat with two things on a piece of paper for an hour trying to figure out what I wanted. I need clothes, kitchen stuff but those things I can get through out the year. I thought of perfume but where do I go and where I go I can't where perfume. I finally figured out why I was having such a hard time. Curled up beside me in the crook of my legs was Gigi. I looked down at her beautiful brown eyes and realized we have a Beagle in the house for Christmas. And I have the ripped tags, chewed gifts and scrambled tree to prove it.

The Princess

This is our darling little girl, GiGi, short for Good Girl. She is a Mommy's girl but she is 100% Daddy's Princess. She loves to cuddle with him and there is nothing like Beagle love to help heal a heart. It has been wonderful watching the return of youth to Winston our Airedale. It was good to see his smile return after a romp outside with GiGi.

Things seem a little more like home with GiGi around the house. Even if it means destroyed socks, chewed pieces of sticks and toy stuffing in the corners, I still wouldn't have it any other way.

Solar Hell Sneak Preview

This is a couple of pictures for Scribble. The first one is the view of the two heaters, Popcan heater with the black arm coming from it and the water heater. The second picture is a close up of the popcan heater. Hubby can give you all the details, I'm still waiting to see if they work. My doubtful nature keeps me from getting over enthusiastic over is projects.

Good and Bad

Things are quiet for the moment. I'm not sure how long it will last. We have a new addition to the family. She has dark brown eyes, soft floppy ears, long legs that were meant for speed and an attitude that is all Beagle. She is nothing like our last Beagle but she is all that and more. She is such a sweetheart and boy, does she have Hubby wrapped around her little paw. She had him at hello. I must say she had me well before that. Its a weird story as to how she came to be but it is sufficient to say, she needed us and we definitely needed her.

Two days after our girl arrived, we received news that my husband's brother had been killed in an accident driving home from work. We had to head North for the funeral and the drive felt longer than usual. We stayed in a lovely hotel which gave us much needed respit. We had our little girl with us as we couldn't leave her behind as she was just beginning to bond with us. (According to Hubby) She was a ray of light in a very dark spot. She made Hubby laugh and smile where I was unable to. She was an absolute angel during the funeral service and at the open house later on. It was rough going up there but now that we are home the mourning, grieving and healing begins. But at least our little girl gave Hubby a head start.

Uh oh...its starting to wake up. This means I'll spend the next two hours rescuing the old boys from the young pup. I think the Airedale is waiting until she grows up to decide whether or not he will like her. Yeah time to go, she is staring at me expectantly with a stuffy hanging from her mouth.

Yeah...she definitely fits.

Just Talkin' Turkey

This is going to be an odd statement for October but the snow is almost gone which means we can get out and get the yard ready for winter. It makes more sense if you lived here. I'm just thankful that Thanksgiving is over.

Speaking of which, Artist I warned ya. It not bad enough that Artist likes to scare me with stories of instant coffee or second-day-old coffee that she has rewarmed. This year, I dared not venture into her kitchen on Thanksgiving Day. Now bearing in mind she was feeding teenagers and their boyfriends (Who may be still under the impression that all food groups are in the shape of tubes made of pasta and bright orange) as well as she had just returned from two weeks of dog-sitting but still....A PRE-STUFFED TURKEY?!?! That is my biggest pet-peeve next to Meal in a Bag. Then she tells me she bought packaged gravy. I was already dizzy and feeling light-headed at the thought of the pre-stuffed turkey but to hit with that nearly sent me over the edge. Then she announced that the veggies were organic. That gave me a little hope that she was joking about the turkey but nope, Artist wasn't. If Artist couldn't cook, I would forgive her, but I know what that woman can do in the kitchen and she can cook. She can also bake but she doesn't want to let that secret out of the bag. I didn't ask about her dessert. There was some talk of a instant chocolate pudding pie...I left it at that. There are some things I just don't want to know. Especially after the pre-stuffed turkey.

We are only two weeks away from opening night for our latest production Nunsense. The cast is amazingzingzing. For the amount of time and work the have had to put in, in the short amount of duration for this play, they are one talented group. Its not just the singing, its the choreography of the dance steps and then there is the acting directions called blocking on top of that. Some people think we just go out there and do our thing but they do not see the amount of work these people put in. And we are just on the ameture level. I would hate to think what the pros are like.

Not only are we insane enough to volunteer, we are insane enough to continue even when our lives are torn apart. Our one cast member is a lovely, vibrant woman who is the minister of the United Church in the middle of town. Where the church is located, that plot of land has always held a church since the late 1800's. Not anymore. Some one or some thing burned it down the other night. The fire was so intense that the only thing the firefighters could do was watch it burn while keeping it contained. The Lutheran Church was the following night. Our town is upset, angry and shocked. There were rumors of the Catholic Church setting up guards to protect their church. But that aside, guess who showed up for rehearsal. Yep and she was even smiling and laughing. We were polite and asked her how soon it was to start cracking jokes. She said it had already begun and we were late. I hate it when that happens.

Detour Ends, Road to Solar Hell Ahead.

Silly me, I thought the road to Solar Hell had finally made a turn off back into the highways of everyday life. Nope. I was sooooo wrong. It was only a detour while the wood workshop was being built. I should have known with the solar popcan heater and solar water heater beside the first contraption perched on its roof. Looking out the back window is like looking at beacon for the UFOs to make contact. That with the flickering solar garden lights in the middle of winter, we should definitely be making conversation with Venus by mid-January.

Sitting on our antique dining room table, on top of the antique tapestry is a huge solar panel. Its lovely. Its big and black. Its the neon blinking sign that tells me, the detour is over and now I'm back on the road to Solar Hell. What fun! There was another little device thingy too that my mind went blank on as Hubby tried to explain what it was for. Something to do with the monitoring of the power, any way its all a blur as we speed along.

Artist wasn't home to lend her sympathetic ear (while she eyes up what Hubby is doing). I think I'll go to my mother's. I can drown my sorrows in home-made granola and a coffee. Mom should make things better, mind you this was the woman who wanted to give her husband a solar pop can heater kit for Christmas. At least there will be granola to console myself with.

Thoughts

It's been a while since my last post. Things have been up and down lately. I'm back on the tumultuous waters of my emotions and its been pretty hard to surf the waves. I think my surf board is unbalanced but then everything as of late has been. My therapist keeps reminding me how far I have come. Some days it just doesn't feel like it.

I can't get angry like a normal person. Now how a normal person gets angry I have no idea but its safe to say its not like me. When I get angry now I have to go through a mental check list in my head to see if its warranted. While this happens I start to shake, then I start to peel back and make sure my anger has not been triggered by some underlining cause. I have a two minute delay while I try to absorb things. Its the mis-firing of the brain that causes problems in this scenario because the thought waves are jumping from one thing to another, now this is all in conjunction with figuring out if this is something that has been triggered. As you can see this is all very confusing and to go through it, its even more so.

For example, I was in a situation on holidays, that if I complained to my husband about the situation, I would have been accused of "Going Bipolar", but as I sat there, I realised that I did not have to listen to a vulgar conversation by an employee of the restaurant while I waited for my dinner. It took a minute or two for me to figure out, but then I excused myself from the table and I complained to the owner of the establishment. Afterwards I felt better because the situation had been resolved and there were not any other triggers involved. I still shook like a drink mixer but that is par for the course. If the owner had dismissed me it would have lead to underlining triggers that would have exploded and then Hubby could have accused me of going "Bipolar".

Hubby tries to understand. But I think some days he has Bipolar mixed up with retarded. Please excuse the phrase but it is apt in this scenario. For some reason he needs to reach out and grab things from me while I am in the middle of changing or fixing it. He for some reason will not wait until I have asked or handed it to him. I don't get it, but then I am supposed to be able to wrap my mind around mortgage and bank rates with accrued interest. Yeah...okay...So some days, like I said are a little rougher than others. Actually its more like some minutes are better than others 'cause in my world its a guess either way as to what I will be feeling like at two in the afternoon.

On the other hand it can't be easy for him never knowing what he is coming home to or what is going to pick up the phone when he calls. Most days he lucks out with the gamble, but every once in a while he gets the "Bipolar Bitch" or the "Weepy Whiner" either on is not good. Usually the "BB" is frustrated with something and is trying to control it. The "WW" is where the frustration is overwhelming and can't be coped with. One is manic, the other depressive. I have no middle ground. Which is why as you can see some people opt for the meds to help find and stay on that middle ground.

On the other hand, life would be far more boring for Hubby and I did promise him, he would never be bored with me.

Look Mom! No Hands!

This is my new ride. I wanted something a little more eco for around town. I have a basket that I attach to the back for shopping but next year I'm getting a trailer for the back for grocery shopping. As it is now, I can shop for two to three days. Its a Three speed which makes it easy for me and it has front gear with back pedal break. The headlight works and so does the tail light. Now I just need to get my brimmed hat and I am all set to go. (And no Artist and Leo, I don't mean my pointed black hat either. That's for Special Occasions) I'm still looking for where my travel mug for coffee goes. I know there is a cup holder somewhere on this thing. And a relaxing bike ride just isn't the same with out the caffeine to keep the blood flow and energy going. At least I'm leaving the smokes behind.

Down the Garden Path

This is my garden. I am so tickled with it this year because we have already begun to eat out of it. This is not only my garden, it is my sanctuary, my sacred space, and my healing spot. I have since learned that when we garden we absorb minerals from the earth. We need minerals in our system to help control things such as mood swings. Its why the Lithium (a natural salt) helps control the mood swings of Bipolar 1 Disorder albeit, its very toxic. Personally for now, I'll stick with the garden. Its much more rewarding on so many levels.

Icing Sugar Mode

The Groomette's Cake
The Wedding Cake

So as you can tell I have been up to my eyeballs in icing sugar. And all I can say is "Thanks Mom for helping me out before I hit a freak out mode" I was on my way there but it was still in control.

The Bride and Groomette were absolutely lovely and it was the most fun at a wedding I have ever had. And I owe you both such a big thank you. After 11 years of marriage and being with the same guy for 13 years, I found out Hubby could dance. So its off to the ballroom for him now.

We are still in recovery mode. Hopefully the weather will back off with the rain so I can get in some fish pond time. Mind you there is the garden...

How to Survive your Best Friend's Divorce

Chapter Two

What to do when your Best Friend begins to date

Get Drunk. Very very drunk. Stay that way until its over. Do not under any circumstances remain sober during this period. You will thank me later for it.

Surviving your Best Friend's Divorce Survival Guide

Chapter One

The Announcement & Aftermath

So you're sitting and having coffee. You're best friend's marriage hasn't been any great shakes lately but what's new? It wasn't when you met her. For ten years you've sat with her before mulling over his idiosyncrasies and inexplicable male thinking, (note Artist I am being diplomatic here) (the other comes later) You have listened for all these years while she has been hurt, angered, frustrated and dismissed, let her have a good cry, rant or once in a while rage. Then when the emotions have settled and the male party has redeemed himself in a measure, you have reminded her of the good in him. Then more coffee flows and everything is right with the world. Wrong, this coffee session resulted in the end of the marriage, right down to the phone call from the husband admitting it was over.

For ten years, I have sat back, observed, watched and said the things that she needed at the time. Some of what I said I truly meant, other times I held my tongue on my true feeling towards her husband and told her what she needed to hear. Enabling a bad marriage? Not the way I see it. I am her best friend and as her best friend, staying out of her marriage was the best thing for our friendship. But after the phone call, a switch went off and for the first time in ten years, I couldn't defend his actions or even rationalize to logical thinking. And for the first time in ten years, I felt no obligation to do so. It was very liberating.

So it begins, the separation, the anxieties, the euphoria and then the anger hits. (Still is but that is to be expected with all things considered) Then the true beast that you have seen comes out. He reveals his controlling, overbearing, domineering, bullying personality, just like you have seen it all those years ago but chose to ignore it. That's the trick, ignore it and some times it goes away and then sometimes it doesn't.

Now depending on your best friend this stage (the anger and resentment) can continue for years turning into a regular "War of the Roses" (if anybody remembers that movie) I'm lucky, I have a best friend who is Post Traumatic Stress who cannot and will not put up with it. So I only had a week of the stage. I do realise there will be other stages of anger and resentment but with Artist it won't last for long (Thank God!!!) Other long term stages could be the heartbreak or mourning period. And one must bear in mind the marriage.

So my best friend was in a unhealthy marriage for her mentally and physically to a selfish bastard for 19 years. Now to my observation, the marriage has been dead for at least two if not three years. So she has already run the gauntlet of stages leading up to embracing her singledom as a healthy, vibrant, confident woman in her forties. Your best friend may be different.

Next Week

Chapter Two

What to do when your Best Friend begins to date.

Just a note

The sun is out finally, and it’s promising to be a nice day. Mind you there have been other mornings that have started out the same and resulted in cold wind, so I won’t hold my breath.

Things have changed yet again with the garden. But this time I can honestly say it’s actually a step in the proper direction. Last fall Hubby and I separated a section of our yard for the garden. The idea was it would keep dogs out. It’s a good idea if all sides of the garden is fenced and not just three, with a greenhouse at the end and four feet of unfenced entrance way just perfect for our little Corgie X to find his way in to the cool dirt. (He was once white)

This year Privacy was the big thing to achieve by the fishpond. Our neighbours have kids and the littlest is very precocious and gets annoying with her attention getting. I am not a fan of kids. As a matter of fact, I really don’t like kids on the whole. Small exposures to kids are okay but anything longer and heavy drugs are a must. So needless to say, I put a canvas screen up and tried put an artistic flare on it. (The pictures will reveal the truth)

The other cool thing is, the house is being put in our name. It’s been our house, sort of, but it was put in my parent’s name to protect it. So now the house is being transferred. I can’t really go into a whole lot of detail here because the whole thing has been a bipolar blur. And if I ever have to go through this again, I will definitely need somebody along with me who can wrap their minds around it. I tried, and tried but it resulted in me shaking and thrown into a total mode. So I have warned my daughter that if anything happens to her Dad that I might need help with things of that nature. She said not a problem; she will make sure she marries somebody who will be able to help us both out.

Now that the house is going to be in our name, look out Solar Hell, because here we come. Last night Hubby was thinking of attaching copper tubing to my stove to harness in the residual left over heat from turning the oven off. Never mind the fact that the stove is sacrilege to touch or even think of touching unless its coffee. Now come up with a coffee machine with the copper tubing and sunlight, then you will have my attention.

My yard is going to end up a graveyard as an Ode to the Sun God Ra or something by the time that man is done. It will look like Ed Bagely Jr’s yard only on a poor man’s salary. Man the letter I could write to his wife. After watching the show twice (I can’t get the channel anymore, which really sucks) I really don’t feel so alone.

It’s going to be an interesting summer around here.

For Scribble

Chili Powder Recipe

Cumin
Salt
Peppper
Coriander
Paprika
Red Chili Pepper (if whole, I grind myself in a coffee grinder)

My Mom adds Oregano to her Chili. I never have.

I do not have any amounts as some like Chili hotter than others. I like to add a touch of hot sauce that my mom brought back from Hawaii. Good stuff.

Hubby made the mistake once of saying he like hot food. Silly man. I can make a Curry that will melt your sinuses and a Chili that will make the top of your head hot. I do temper it down for those of us that do not have a cast iron stomach.

Its a good base recipe that you can play around with. Have fun with it.

Early Start on the Road to Solar Hell

Its morning. The birds are chirping, the sun is shining, the sky is blue and I'm sitting with my second cup of coffee and my third smoke. The morning started very roughly. As in past blogs I have complained about my morning routines being disturbed. Little did we know that I was zeroing in on was a trigger for bipolar modes. This morning was classic, all I wanted was that hour in bed without another human beside me. Nope Hubby got up, got dressed then proceeded to wander around the house and then come back up stairs and disturbed me. He was looking for the truck keys. Now I have two little dogs hopping all over me with crossed legs and floating eyeballs. I get up, bring the two little ones downstairs to the Airedale blocking the hallway. I yell at the dog to go outside with the two small ones. Hubby finds keys and leaves for his errand when I discover he hadn't even put the coffee on.

Now that's when the mode started. I scoured and cleaned the kitchen trying to get a handle on the rage thinking he might be going to Tim Hortons for coffee as a treat or something. When he got back and I found out he went for fittings for the solar water heater, that's when the brain had a little seizure. He was up first, didn't put coffee on, disturbed me getting me up out of bed and then had the gall...no the utter audacity to buy fittings for his solar water heater. That's when the mode hit. I tried to calm down but when Hubby said I looked cute pouting, that's when the volcano erupted...

I'm much better now. The dogs are snoozing now their bladders aren't pushing into their brains, the coffee aroma has filled the house, the cat is tormenting the Airedale, Hubby happily steering us along the road to Solar Hell and I've decided to serve meatloaf for supper, so all in all things are fine now.

Pot Roast

Hubby’s first production came to a close last night. The sound effects were awesome and literally had people letting out little cries of surprise and jumping out of their seats. It was great fun to watch. He had way too much fun and I think he is looking forward to the next one. I hope he is, because I’m stage-managing and I get to be the voice inside his head for six nights.

Last night the Director of the show brought in Pot Roast. Now I am not a fan of Pot Roast. As a matter of fact I am pretty positive Pot Roast is a conspiracy, against what I am not sure but a conspiracy none the less. The only Pot Roast I will eat is my mother’s (I won’t even eat mine) until last night. Oh My God, it was done to perfection, the veggies were perfectly caramelised, and the meat melted in your mouth and every bite was succulent. I was very good, and only had a small plate full. Twice.

She also makes a mean Jumbalya (sp?). Something again I had never had the yen to try until I smelled hers. At the last show of Steel Mags (she and I played mother and daughter), the dressing room air was filled with the aromatic smell of the spices and I spent the last half of the show with a rumbling stomach and saliva filling my mouth. I was afraid during my rant that I would shower the first row with spit.

The Director is a crafty one. She is a lovely petite brunette, a sweet smile, pretty big blue eyes and dainty way of shifting the conversation away from her recipes. I’ve asked three times for the recipe and three times we’ve chit-chatted…caught up on what have you… and laughed, giggled …and I walk away empty handed again only to realise it an hour later that I still do not have any clue how to make this dish.

That’s okay, we are looking at a couple of projects together. I’m thinking a whole new twist on say…The King and I…set in …New Orleans…at…Mardi Gras or maybe, Camelot…and Merlin is…a VooDoo Priest…Better yet, Little Orphan Annie set in the French Quarters. I figure by time I get that recipe, I will be pushing Artist in a wheelchair down the street.

Good Morning

I'm waiting patiently for Spring to return with it's warmth. I'm really sick of waking up some mornings to the promise of a nice Sping day to see it dash as the white stuff decides to fall. I was so desperate to play in the dirt, I planted some seeds left over from last year. I know its a little early but the urge came upon me and I went with it. I think there is something theraputic about the smell and feel of dirt.

Our play, "The Bond" came Runner up for over all best play and our director got "Best Director". The cool thing was that even though we didn't win the "Best over all" trophy and a spot in the provincials, the trophy still came back to our town with a different company. So you know, the top two plays were from our little town. That's got to say something about the talent here.

Hubby has been albeit "roped in" like the rest of us with the theatre, but I think a monster has been created. Hubby has an ear for sounds, he came on board with the present production as "Sound Tech". ... Yeah all I can say is, "Where the hell was he for Steel Mags?" His sounds effects are incrediable and he and the Lighting Tech are really getting into their thunder and lightening. All I know, is when I direct, Hubby had better be ready 'cause I plan on giving him and the Light Tech a real challenge. And as I will be the director, I get to tell him what I want and he has to deliver. A real switch from marriage for the poor guy. But hey, I'll have some fun.

The artwork has taken a wee bit of a back seat to things, the next few months are going to be hectic. I'm just glad our plays will be ending soon. With two weddings (one of which I am in the wedding party) (Yep, I get to wear a Tux with heels, I can't wait), a surprise party and trying to get a garden in, I will definitely be happy when the days are just centred around the fish pond.

Soon...

My latest Sexy Sci-Fi

Coming out in May. I'm really excited about this one. Its totally Sci-fi. I had so much fun writing this one. I think it comes through. (I hope)

Tagged

Six Random Things about me

1 I sing and recite lines while in the bathtub (when nobody is home)
2 - like mushrooms
3 - have a favorite bowl for baking
4 - like anagrams and word puzzles
5 - used to play Duplicate Bridge
6 - hate baby corn, turnip and sheperd's pie

I'm tagging
http://grannydiane.blogspot.com/

I would do five more but I don't have that many on my list



THE RULES
1. LINK TO THE PERSON WHO TAGGED YOU
2. POST THE RULES ON YOUR BLOG
3. WRITE SIX RANDOM THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF
4. TAG SIX PEOPLE AT THE END OF YOUR POST AND LINK TO THEM
5. LET EACH PERSON KNOW THEY ARE TAGGED AND LEAVE A COMMENT ON THEIR BLOG
6.LET THE TAGGER KNOW WHEN YOUR ENTRY IS UP
7. DON’T BREAK THE CHAIN

And Change still comes

Things have been very quiet around the house. Our Beagle crossed over on Saturday and the house has become seemingly empty. Even with the other four milling around. The Airedale has stopped looking for him finally but he still gives a soft whine now and then. Its different now without the nagging and the frantic "its suppertime" hour. Life seems almost dull.

I say almost dull because things around here are never dull for long. And if I even contemplate looking forward to a quiet time it still get turned upside down.

But then that's how it is in my life. I have been diagnosed Bipolar. Apparently some of the things I have had to struggle with isn't the norm. Who knew? Not me anyway but in someways it has given me relief, its angered me and its frightened me. Hubby had a bit of a time with accepting it. He finally settled down when he realized I was basically okay with it. I have learned since that some things are life and some things are Bipolar. My inability to cope in some public situations is Bipolar. My inability to deal with the stupidity is life. Then there is the marriage aspect. Hubby's breathing at the wrong time is Bipolar, Hubby's never getting the last six inches done is well...life and marriage. So you can see for someone's brain who continually misfires it can all be very confusing at times. But the cool thing is, I have found out my brain has thirty percent more brain cells which may explain the higher voltage at which things download and misfires. In my world, I'm always right 'cause I have a bigger brain.

Hubby didn't buy it either. Personally I think Artist's reaction was the best. Daughter's came second with a very quiet "and how do you feel about this?" (Guess who's in therapy too.) Artist simply but cheerfully said "Of course you are, all my best friends are Bipolar" What do you say to that? My mother's response was "You know it's a mental illness?" like I have mental leprosy and a conversation a while later included "You don't need to announce it."

Okay, does anybody think putting it out on the web would be particularily persay announcing it? Personally it doesn't make me any different, it just gives me an explanation and now I can put into place the tools, the checks and balances so to speak for that softer, quieter life. The other thing that was good to find out, is that Hubby and I were and are on the right path for us to deal with the Bipolar aspect of our lives. I say "our" because he has to deal with this on a day to day level and trust me, he never knows what he is coming home to some days. Or waking up to for that matter. Some days are like a roller coaster of hellish emotions and other days its just a bunch of muck and mire. The thing is, what my Mom doesn't get, is, this has given me freedom to be me and live my life according to what is best for me. Not what others see as best for me as she thinks fit.

Its been a very murky mud puddle with a lot staining. One I'm definitely glad to be out of. All though Hubby and I seem to find our own mud puddles to fall into but with him its fun. Life is an adventure, life is change and I plan on enjoying all it, even the bipolar.

(And I will be posting more artwork in the next day or two)

Oops Forgot These

Hiding

Happy Confusion

Morning Vespers

(they were on the wall waiting for scanning)

The latest

Wake Up

Smoke

Serenity


Night's Gaze

Guardian

Diva

So I finally figured out how to get the video on the side bar. It took a while. Now if I could figure out how to get my website updated then I could have these on there.

Its a Video

After several attempts of trying to add this onto my sidebar, I gave up and decided to go the easier route. This is a book trailer produced by Marly Mathews. She is so talented. Her graphics are awesome and oh Marly, bang on for Alexander. I'm taking my lap top to show my Mom later. After all the story was dedicated to them.

Treaty of Hearts is in Print!!!

Okay, its brag time. Artist got the phone call last night at about eight. It still really hasn't sunk in. Doorway to the Stars is an Anthology of Marly Mathew's story and my "Treaty of Hearts" and its in print. I am so excited I haven't a clue what to do.

Marly is a very talented writer and to be paired up with her in print is an honor. The Artwork is from my book Treaty of Hearts and looks awesome with Marly's title. Her website is georgeous.
http://www.marlymathews.com/

Yeah, I'm not supposed to get over stimulated but this one makes it hard to breathe through especially while doing the happy dance all over the house. And I think the coolest thing about this is I get to work with another author promoting.

I'm definitely going to need another pot of coffee this morning.

I got Paint!!!

This one is hanging in our bedroom. The pics here don't show the detail as well as I had hoped (and even got a bright shiny thing in the middle) but it gives an idea of what it looks like.
A closer look

This one has been a work in progress, hard to believe but I have about five layers of paint. Artist introduced me to Acrylic paints.

Again work in progress ...or not. I'm letting this one sit for the moment to see if I have the urge to continue on it.

So the above is my attempt at city scapes. As a kid I moved to Toronto and I remember to this day the impact of that move. I am fascinated by buildings and the way they look like man-made geometric mountains.

I grew up in Prince George BC for the most part. I lived four years in a snowy place called Kitamat and then back to Prince George. Toronto was another three year stint.

Now the intersting thing is I hate Toronto. I hate its association within my life and the events that took place to shape and change my life. I hate the fact that it brought people into my life that both as a child and adult turned my world into chaos. However I can say without a doubt at this paticular morning that a cousin will never have the oppertunity to do this again. As much as she may be involved with others in the "family" (I qualify if for my own amusement for some strange reason) I can very simply remove myself from her line of keening.

I loved the city lights and the endless ribbons of freeways,highways and byways all leading into the concrete. I was used to trees, blueberry bushes, and even though Prince George was a small city, within an hour in any direction you could hit mountains and bush. As a child I wished for places like Toronto or Edmonton, as an adult, I harken back to the days of climbing up Cranbrook Hill just to have a couple of blueberries or horseback riding along the trails where we lived out on five acres.

Downstairs haning in our dining room are my trees and a mountain that I did. I miss the mountains but not enough to move up there again. Hubby and I know what we are in for moving North. That's why we came South. But every once in a while the mountains call. Pulling at my heartstrings to come home.

And that's when I miss, the cold crisp air that burns your lungs when you inhale then hangs like a whisper of fog after the exhale...the deafening silence of snow falling into bare branches of the aspen, layering the soft evergreens in a blanket of white...ice fog that shines light like a beacon reaching into the starry night...the smell of freshly fallen snow...Northern Lights that dance to the rhythym of the universe...the way the winter sunrays bounced off the white turning a farmer's field into a sea of diamonds...yes it all calls to the child of the North in me.

Unfortunately the adult knows the reality of it all but it doesn't taint those odd moments when Nature showed how even the cold and isolated can have beauty. Its funny because growing up I never used the term 'majestic' in reference to the mountains but it is a majestic beauty that can strike you dumbstruck just as you look at it.

And yet the softness of the prairies, despite their chilling winds, is very alluring. It doesn't smack you in the face and say here I am like the mountains do. The prairies just quietly display a canvas of colours when the sun is setting...enwrap you in a blanket of stars that never end...the smell of wheat harvesting...the full moon you can watch uninterrupted through the night...and the soft colours of the fields that lay like a quilt. Don't get me wrong, the prairies have a temper that rivals even the North. The violence of the summer storms reminds me that not all is soft here but for the most part its much softer than up there...

...Waaaay Softer....

French Invasion

Okay, so I've been a little bored lately. A little is an understatement. Well, Artist has been having a couple of bad days lately so I thought I would try to cheer her up. You see, she has an answering machine that for some strange reason at the moment has decided to speak French. Last night I called to see how she was doing so I left a message in the machine's native tongue. Tried to anyway. So this morning I noticed her car was gone so I practised a couple of cheerful phrases and then called. I realized at the fourth ring that her hubby may taken the car to work but the French monotone picked up to my luck.

Of course this will only work if she checks her messages.

Other than that days have been filled with barking Beagles, wiggling Airedales and snarling Chihuahua's to add to the fun. The Guinea Pig has decided to add her little ear piercing wheep to the fold for that extra beat. I only have so much Ativan...There that's better. One bellar of "Enough!" and the world. I had to stop the cat. He was playing with my Ativan bottle, or trying to get into it.

Here's what I've been doing in between battling out with the Beagle. These two were done on water colour boards. I love the effect it has with the Ink.

Joy

Good Morning

So then I got brave and it ended up like this:

Into the Cosmos

This one is really cool because as the light changed the images change with it. You have to stare at it for a while.

Single Leaf

Serenity

Lovers

These three according to Hubby are Keepers. There is only two others that he likes so far. I keep changing my mind so far. We will see in three months what's going to be around.

I was fooling around with colours.

So now I'm going to go find a comfy bed a go for a nap now that Hubby is at work. But I have been getting a calling to the writer's side of me. I'll have a coffee first then decide.

Virility
Spring Solitude

Northern Consort

Mama Africa

Harvest

Forest Meditations

Happy New Year

Get this, its the coldest day of the year and we are only three days into it. Gotta love the thought behind this announcement. Coldest day of the season would make a little more sense than year.

I've been working on more artwork. I've sold the Moon Goddess and the Angels. What was really cool was people were so thrilled to get one for a gift. Good thing I showed the pictures to my Mom, my cousin and my sister were wondering where I got them. I did the funkiest frog for my cousin. I was tempted to keep him so I'm letting her know via facebook (how sad is that when we live in the same town) that if she doesn't like him, I'll do her another 'cause I really love him.

It funny how the ones that I'm not keen on when I'm done, always grow on me and the ones that I really like tend to grow off. Its the same thing with my writing. Only in writing I can go back and delete. With the ink work when its done, its kind of permanent. I have discovered I tend to create more when it happens. I have one Mama Africa that I have liked since conception. So I have learned not to worry about it. Its the ones that I like three months later will be the ones hanging in the house.

Speaking of writing. I recieved a wonderful Christmas present from New Concepts, Araman's Aria will hopefully be out by spring. I had so much fun writing that story and working with the characters. Its like working with paint. I give them an initial layer kind of a primer then add the layers to create depth and voila they come to life with their flaws and personalities to tell a story.

Um Rhode, remember that book I was supposed to send you. It came back, so I'm sending it out again and this time with the correct postage, but it will have an extra or two.

I didn't make any new years resolutions. I don't drink so that's out, trying to gain weight not lose it, smoking (working on), excersize well...five dogs, no dryer, no dishwasher, stairs at my house and Artist's so I think that's covered. I gave up on resolutions years ago. I gave them up when I realized they led to the feeling of failure when I couldn't live up to them. I have enough crap to deal with in my life I really don't need to be adding anymore pressure.

On that note, I'm going to get my butt in gear and scan some more pictures for you to see.

Happy New Year and may small blessings come your way.